


(i've got you) to help me forget

by specialsnowflake



Series: i use deacury to cope [4]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:14:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/specialsnowflake/pseuds/specialsnowflake
Summary: Freddie opens up about the past.
Relationships: John Deacon/Freddie Mercury
Series: i use deacury to cope [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1536128
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	(i've got you) to help me forget

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueenFanatics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenFanatics/gifts).



> I'm back again with something new; your story still helps me get through the bad days and I'm not done writing about it yet. Plus, I've finally found the motivation to write again, which is really exciting for me. 
> 
> This is more stuff from Freddie's perspective regarding his relationship with Tom, as it's another thing that's always interested me in your story. It's set after they're officially together, but otherwise nothing specific. I hope you enjoy it.

Freddie didn’t even know how he found Tom attractive. He figured that it must’ve been desperation; Tom gave him the time of day, which were Freddie’s standards for a shag back then. In the end, he was worth neither the sex nor the abuse that would follow afterward. Even though Freddie knew this now, after everything had been said and done with him, there were still times when his words would come back to haunt him. 

_You sound like a sheep! How can you expect to become a successful musician with that voice?_

_It's not normal to paint your nails and wear women's clothes. Being flamboyant isn't cute, it's putting a target on your back._

_You're the lowest hanging fruit there is, baby. There were plenty of good candidates in that club, but you're the one I'm choosing to go home with, so you better be grateful._

_He was willing and I found him attractive; there's nothing else to say! Can't I have a little fun every now and then? You had to know I was going to get bored of just being with you eventually._

_You weren't supposed to get offended, Freddie. I'm just telling you the truth. God, stop being so sensitive._

"Freddie?" 

John's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. 

"Yes, dear? Is everything alright?" 

"I thought I could ask you the same thing," John replied, wrapping an arm around Freddie's waist. The touch was grounding, welcoming. He felt safe being held by John. "You seem rather lost in thought." 

For a moment, he considered lying and changing the subject. Tom was more trouble than he was worth, and Freddie was wasting energy just thinking about him. What was the point in talking about him too? Hadn't he ruined Freddie's night enough? Yet the concerned look in John's eyes told him that it was too late to back out. John cared to know what was bothering Freddie, and for a brief second he felt like crying. 

Freddie exhaled. "It's Tom, but calm down," he began, trying to soothe John when he became visibly scared just at the mention of his name. "I'm just thinking about the past is all. He said things to me, really bad things. It's taken me a while to recover, but sometimes I just get...upset. Does that make sense?" 

John nodded, and pulled Freddie in for a hug. He rested his head in the crook of Freddie's shoulder, letting that warmth envelop him. A few beats of silence passed as they just held each other, taking in the comfort of the act. Freddie never felt like this when Tom held him, or vice versa. He never felt valued or respected in Tom's arms. Come to think of it, none of Freddie's previous partners made him feel as John did. It was only with John that Freddie found the solace he needed. 

"Do you want to talk about it? It might help," John asked a few moments later, not moving from his place on Freddie's shoulder. 

Again, Freddie considered changing the subject. But there was clearly worry in John's voice; he knew he was in good hands. 

"He used to tell me that I'd never make it big," he said, voice already shaking. "That shagging was all I was good for, like I was some kind of prize to be won." 

John simply tightened his grip when Freddie's voice broke, and began to run a hand down his back, trying to provide some much needed comfort. Thank God for John. 

"I used to wake up in his bed, wondering if I was good enough. I guess I never really was, but he used to tell me how easy I was for him, how easy I was to control. It makes me sick now, but back then...I believed it. I believed that I really couldn't do any better than Tom." 

"You know that's not true."

"Oh, I know that now." Freddie was unable to keep the amusement out of his voice. "Because I did better than Tom. Far, far better." 

That made John smile, and he moved his head to look at Freddie. "Well, I'm glad you did," he muttered, beginning to feel sleepy. "Did you want to talk about anything else?" 

"No, I don't think so," Freddie managed to get out before breaking into a big yawn. "Good night. I love you." 

John chuckled as he tangled his legs with Freddie's. "Love you too," were the last words he heard before John passed out, face planted in his chest. 

After a few moments, Freddie fell asleep, suddenly feeling much better about himself.


End file.
